Joke thread

[bilby]

A bloke goes into a sex shop, storms up to the counter and shouts at the storeperson, hey stupid that bloody blow up doll i picked up yesterday is not the one i ordered, i wanted a sexy blonde with all the extra's and ended up with a bald bloke with a 10" penis, the storeperson replies "your the stupid one, its inside out".

[Haynsie]

A priest goes out fishing with a local fisherman. After a few hours in the boat, the fisherman gets a tug on his line, after an epic struggle, the fisherman hoists up the biggest fish he's evar caught in his life and screams "Wow! Look at the size of that f---er!!".

Instantly embarrassed and seeing the look on the priest's face the fisherman says "oh, errr, sorry about that father, that's what this fish is called", "Oh, I see!" says the priest.

The priest takes the fish back to his parish for dinner. He takes it to one of the servants and says "This is for our dinner, can you please clean the f---er?". He sees the shocked look on the servants face and says "Oh, don't worry, that's just the name of this fish". "Oh, I see!" says the servant, and goes about cleaning it.

When she's done, she takes the cleaned fish to the cook and says "Can you please cook this f---er, it's what's for dinner". She notices that shocked expression on the cooks face and quickly says "Oh, don't worry, that's just what this fish is called!". "Oh, I see!" says the cook, and sets about cooking the fish.

Later that night, the Pope unexpectedly pops in for dinner. After a fantastic meal he says "Well, that was amazing, who came up with such a great meal?"

The Priest says "I caught the f---er!"

The servant says "I cleaned the f---er!"

And the cook says "And I cooked the f---er!"

The Pope sits back in his chair, lights a big fat doobie and says

"You know what? You c---s are alright."

[HaTTerS]

Carl Williams' dad visited him in jail the day before he died and noticed how much weight Carl was putting on, so his dad said,
"jeeez Carl, an exercise bike wouldn't kill ya!"

[riv]

dont mess with old farts

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, Time for you to retire." The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me! Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"

The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I'm taking over." The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."

The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start." The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.

He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast! The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. The Old Rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can. The Farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Dammit... third great rooster I bought this month."

Moral of the story? Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery always overcome youth and arrogance!

[twavvy]

dont mess with old farts

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, Time for you to retire." The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me! Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"

The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I'm taking over." The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."

The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start." The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.

He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast! The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. The Old Rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can. The Farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Dammit... third great rooster I bought this month."

Moral of the story? Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery always overcome youth and arrogance!

Bahahahaha!

That is gold!

[fishophil]

A Pakistani dies and goes to Heaven. .....
He knocks on the Pearly Gates and St. Peter opens them. ....

"Yes?", asks St. Peter. .

"I am here for Jesus", says the Pakistani. .

St Peter turns around and shouts, "Jesus, your taxi's here"

[MitchT]

Carl Williams' dad visited him in jail the day before he died and noticed how much weight Carl was putting on, so his dad said,
"jeeez Carl, an exercise bike wouldn't kill ya!"

[MitchT]

A bloke goes into a sex shop, storms up to the counter and shouts at the storeperson, hey stupid that bloody blow up doll i picked up yesterday is not the one i ordered, i wanted a sexy blonde with all the extra's and ended up with a bald bloke with a 10" penis, the storeperson replies "your the stupid one, its inside out".

[twavvy]

Your contributions are highly valued, thoroughly informative and a great read as always Mitch!

[Babylon]

Good onya Mitch that's one way to get your tally up Jim