wacazac wrote:Brought tears to my eyes



Not quite the way to get a head job

Good thing it's not a gummy, might have resulted in a flathead

hammertym wrote:

wacazac wrote:Brought tears to my eyes



Not quite the way to get a head job

Good thing it's not a gummy, might have resulted in a flathead

A chicken crossed the road and saw James Bond. The chicken said "what's your name ?" James said " Bond... James Bond, what's yours ?"the chicken said " Ken... Chick Ken

Receptionist Tells Patient To Be More Discreet With His Issue. His Response? LOL

75-year-old Earl walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The receptionist, an uptight lady, said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?”

“There’s something wrong with my Johnson,” he replied. Several people turned their heads to look at him, surprised.
The receptionist, embarrassed at the situation, said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.”

“Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,” Earl said.

The receptionist replied, “Now you have caused needless embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private.”

The man replied, “You should not ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.” He then walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The receptionist smiled smugly. “Yes?”

“There’s something wrong with my ear,” Earl stated loudly.

The receptionist nodded approvingly, knowing he had taken her advice. “What is wrong with your ear, sir?”

“I can’t piss out of it,” he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter.

Babylon wrote:Receptionist Tells Patient To Be More Discreet With His Issue. His Response? LOL

75-year-old Earl walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The receptionist, an uptight lady, said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?”

“There’s something wrong with my Johnson,” he replied. Several people turned their heads to look at him, surprised.
The receptionist, embarrassed at the situation, said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.”

“Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,” Earl said.

The receptionist replied, “Now you have caused needless embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private.”

The man replied, “You should not ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.” He then walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The receptionist smiled smugly. “Yes?”

“There’s something wrong with my ear,” Earl stated loudly.

The receptionist nodded approvingly, knowing he had taken her advice. “What is wrong with your ear, sir?”

“I can’t piss out of it,” he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter.

A leprechaun walks into a bar. After several pitchers of beer, the leprechaun runs over to a large, mean-looking guy, sticks out his tongue and spits all his legs. The guy reaches out to grab the leprechaun, only to miss him as he jumps back to his seat.

"If you know what's good for you, don't come near me again, or I'll rip off your little tallywagger," yells the mean-looking guy.

After a few more pitchers, the leprechaun runs over to the mean-looking guy, sticks out his tongue and spits all over his legs again. This time, the guy successfully catches the leprechaun.

"All right, I've got you this time. I warned you -- now I'm gonna rip off your little tallywagger!"

The leprechaun laughs, "You can't do that."

"Why not?" asks his captor.

"Because," giggles the leprechaun, "leprechauns don't have tallywaggers."

"Whadda ya mean you don't have a tallywagger?" growls the angry man, "How in the hell do you pee?"

"Just like this," laughs the leprechaun as he sticks out his tongue and spits.

Earl leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?

"We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

"Yes," Maxine says, "I remember it well."

"Okay," her husband responds, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle, he thinks to himself, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble."

So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks.

Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.

Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, still watching, thinks to himself, "This is truly amazing, I've got to ask them how they do it..."

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, Earl is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.''

Babylon wrote: ..."Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"...

Freudian slip? thought his name was Earl

Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket ..

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a lawyer.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer ,,

They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on ..

The lawyers see this and agree that it is quite a clever idea so, after the conference, they decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money..

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all ..

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed lawyer.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer,,

When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs ..

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please." ..
__________________

Qld Police report finding a man’s body in the Brisbane River near the Victoria Bridge.
The dead man’s name will not be released until his family have been notified.
The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption.
He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a pink G string, a strap on dildo, purple lipstick and a Vote for Bill Shorten T-shirt.
He also had a cucumber in his rectum.

The police have removed the Vote for Bill Shorten T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.